This time last year, I was an unhappy, sad woman who was heavy of mind and body and out of synch with her soul! Fast forward to July 2019; I see a gorgeous woman with a grin on her face a sparkle in her eyes and a lightness about her. I have spent the last year on a quest to make changes in my life and to find my way back to a place of happiness and optimism!
Letting Go & Finding Myself
My 40’s was the decade of change; some of the change came in the form of employment status from part-time employee to business owner to free spirit! My weight went up and down like a yoyo. We moved houses twice, renovated our last house in the seven years we were there and moved to a brand new build. My dad was diagnosed with an illness and passed away. New friends made, and some friendships ended. I learnt what success meant and felt like to me, and I experienced failure several times. I felt the hold of grief for a while, and then the universe decided I needed more challenges in the form of a fractured ankle because I was ignoring the warning signs to slow down. While I was pissed off with how inconvenient the timing of the accident was. My accident was a wake-up call, to sort my shit out, re-evaluate and examine what I wanted in life. It was a chance to work through and let go of baggage and old beliefs that I had been carrying around for decades and a way to bring closure to my 40’s before turning 50 in 2019.
I ended up devoting 2018 to myself! Initially, this involved coaching, and from those sessions I began to reconnect to soul, and as I started to peel back the layers of who I was, I began to let go of the “good girl” who would follow the rules, could always be depended on, who would still say yes, even when she didn’t want to! The good girl who would never rock the boat and would keep on pushing herself and ignoring her own needs. Some people might think to take a year off to do this work was self-indulgent, but here’s the thing. I don’t give a fuck what they think. I saw this as an opportunity to find out what lights me up before deciding what I would do next in 2019! It was a year that I began the journey of addressing my health and wellbeing after neglecting it for so long.
Towards the end of 2018; I realised I had only started to scratch the surface and had more work to do. I wanted to take another year off to focus on my health and wellbeing. This decision was one of the best things in my life that I have done for myself. I wanted to enter my 50’s like a woman who was strong of mind active in body and followed her soul’s guidance! Even if I didn’t feel like this at the time, I was going to fake it until I made it!
I realised that while I enjoyed being in my 20’s and 30’s and 40’s, it wasn’t until I am turned 50 earlier this year that I felt like I had come home to myself. It was time to stop hiding my light and to step into my power and declare to the world that this is me! What do I mean by stepping into my power? I define this as being comfortable in my skin and with who I am! No more hiding my talents, no longer protecting the parts of me that I thought I would be ridiculed for, no more putting value in others opinions of me! It’s not apologising for who I am!
Where to from here? At this stage, I have no set plans in place for 2020; however, what I know for sure is that my health and wellbeing and writing will continue to be a priority. I also want to connect with other women who are in the same life stage as myself to create a women’s circle where we support each other. How this looks and feels yet I don’t know. Whether it is a virtual circle where we connect online once a month or in-person circle is still unknown. What I do know is that these answers will reveal themselves to me when the time is ready.
If you are a woman who is on her journey of self-discovery and or this post resonated with you, please let me know in the comments below.